Tensions build, emotions rise higher, like water building up behind a dam, a storm brings on more than the dam can hold. It is not the explosion of water but the sheer massive power and energy in the build up, the powerful energy just before it breaks that holds a magnitude of earth shaking devastation. The explosion, a relief to the force, the energy releases, the power of the devastation; in one single moment, the world changes.
Am I relieved or shocked; neither. I expected it; there was no time for the normal sequence of grief to occur. Events, rolling in, like waves, rolling in and crashing, one upon another; rising up for a deep breath only to have another roll over and I gasp, wanting it to stop.
I screamed inside but no one heard; everyone was grieving in their own way, taking time for themselves, leaving me, perhaps forgetting I was there, taking all the waves, catching the force so no one else need feel the pressing energy. Over and over, I used my energy against the force of events, gaining strength from the universe until I felt the universe had no more to give. If it did, then I was giving in and did not notice. Alone in my misery, wanting some one to relieve me but found no one.
Holding on, going into one more wave; will I find relief at the end of this one wave but no, there is more and the water is rising higher and higher; I tried to keep this wave from rising up but no one listened and now it is inevitable the power of the force is pressing upon me; there is no reversing it. I cannot let this one come over me but try as I might, it is coming, coming and pray hard to have it release its energy before hitting me head on.
I could move out of the way, but I cannot, firmly I know there is no room to move; what shall come I know I will endure and from the other side I will survive it; perhaps grow and learn from this, but I will endure it. My strength is there, somewhere I know it exists, right at this moment in time, it needs slowing, a gradual slowing so I may breathe, take in life as I need it.
Where was there time to grieve, I wanted it, needed it even; never finding it; wanting it so. If my spirit was asked it would tell there is no need for time and grieve; we have united and in unison, within the oneness, we are overcoming together each wave. taking each at will. I am experiencing the power of the force, she is observing with love my experience. If this be known to my conscience mind I would be relieved and extend myself to take on the waves but I still need convincing the conscience mind. Perhaps it is that I will find solace in my spirit being and allow the waves to pass over me,